X Friends
by Neo the Magic Swordsman
Summary: The X-Men's life in New York City.
1. The One Where Kitty Gets a New Roomate

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the X-Men or Friends. None of these characters belong to me, nor do the situations.  
  
Author's Note': Thank you for reading. Keep in mind however, that many of these characters will be out of character to varying degrees, so if you don't like that, then don't read this. Take heed! Please review and tell me what you like and what you think should be changed (if anything). Thank you!!  
  
**

The One Where Kitty Gets A New Roommate

**  
  
INT. Duncan's Coffee  
  
Duncan's Coffee is a small, cosy establishment run by ex-Bayside High football player Duncan Matthews. Tables line the walls, there is a bar opposite the door and there is a sofa and two chairs by the left wall. Two people sit on the sofa, and another two in the chairs. KITTY SUMMERS is quite tall, with dark hair. She is attractive, but 'high maintenance' as her friends put it. ROGUE has short brown hair, with a white streak down at the front, and she has a very strange perspective on life. KURT WAGNER is the tallest, with blue hair and is very sarcastic. He has his image inducer on his wrist, which allows him to maintain a human image. EVAN DANIELS has black skin and shoulder length blonde hair, which is tied back in a ponytail. He is often stupid, but his heart is in the right place. They are currently interrogating KITTY about someone she is going out with.  
  
KITTY: There's like, nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!  
  
EVAN: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!  
  
KURT: So does he have a hump? A hump und a hairpiece?  
  
ROGUE: Wait, does he eat chalk?  
  
The others stare at her, bemused.  
  
ROGUE: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!  
  
KITTY: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just like, two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.  
  
KURT: Sounds like a date to me.  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Later on, KURT is regaling them with a dream he had.  
  
KURT: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in ze middle of the cafeteria, und I realise I am totally naked.  
  
ALL: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.  
  
KURT: Zen I look down, and I realise zere's a phone... zere.  
  
EVAN: Instead of...?  
  
KURT: Zat's right.  
  
EVAN: Never had that dream.  
  
ROGUE: No.  
  
KURT: All of a sudden, ze phone starts to ring. And it turns out it's my mother, vich is very veird, because- she never calls me!  
  
The door opens and SCOTT SUMMERS walks in. SCOTT is KITTY'S brother, tall with short brown hair and ruby quartz glasses, which he constantly wears. He works at a museum and has just split up with his wife.  
  
SCOTT: (Depressed) Hi.  
  
EVAN: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.  
  
KITTY: Are you like, okay, sweetie?  
  
SCOTT: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...  
  
KURT: Cookie?  
  
KITTY: (Explaining to the others) Amara moved her stuff out today. (To Scott) Like, let me get you some coffee.  
  
ROGUE: Ooh! Oh!  
  
ROGUE starts to pluck at the air in front of SCOTT.  
  
SCOTT: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay? I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.  
  
KITTY: No you don't.  
  
SCOTT: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!  
  
EVAN: And you never knew she was a lesbian...  
  
SCOTT: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?  
  
KURT: Sometimes I vish I vas a lesbian...  
  
The others turn and stare at him.  
  
KURT: (Cont'd) Did I say zat out loud?  
  
EVAN: Alright Scott, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?  
  
SCOTT gestures his consent.  
  
EVAN: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!  
  
SCOTT: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!  
  
JEAN GREY enters. She has long red hair, and is wearing a wet wedding dress.  
  
KURT: And I just want a million dollars!  
  
KURT extends his hand hopefully.  
  
KITTY notices JEAN.  
  
KITTY: Jean?!  
  
JEAN: Oh God hi guys! Kitty, I am so glad to see you, I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!  
  
A WAITRESS comes up to them.  
  
WAITRESS: Can I get you some coffee?  
  
KITTY: (Pointing at JEAN) De-caff. (To the gang) Okay, everybody, you like, remember Jean, right? (To JEAN) You remember everyone, right? Evan, Kurt, Rogue and Scott  
  
JEAN: Hi, sure!  
  
EVERYONE: Hi.  
  
There's a moment of silence as Jean sits, the others look at her expecting her to explain.  
  
KITTY: So you wanna tell us now, or are we like, waiting for four wet bridesmaids?  
  
JEAN: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden-   
  
The WAITRESS hands her a coffee.  
  
JEAN: (To WAITRESS) Sweet 'n' Lo? (To the others)- I realised that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Bobby! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Bobby looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, he always looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (To KITTY) So anyway, I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart, but you're the only guys I know who live here in the city.  
  
KITTY: Who weren't like, invited to the wedding.  
  
JEAN: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...  
  
INT. KITTY'S APARTMENT.  
  
KITTY'S apartment is large and comfortable. There is a main area, half of which is a kitchen and half a lounge. Two doors lead off from this room into bedrooms. Everyone, except JEAN, is watching a Spanish soap opera. EVAN, KITTY and ROGUE are on the sofa, whilst KURT is hanging from the ceiling by his tail, his image inducer currently off. JEAN is talking on the phone to her dad.  
  
KITTY: Now I'm guessing that he like, bought her the big pipe organ, and she's really not happy about it.   
  
JEAN: (On phone) Daddy, I just... I can't marry him! I'm sorry. I just don't love him. Well, it matters to me!   
  
KURT: (Re TV) Ooh, she should not be vearing zose pants.  
  
EVAN: I say push her down the stairs.  
  
ROGUE, SCOTT, KURT and EVAN: Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! Push her down the stairs! (She is pushed down the stairs. They cheer.)  
  
JEAN: C'mon Daddy, listen to me! All of my life, everyone has always told me, 'You're a shoe! You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!'. And today I just stopped and I said, 'What if I don't wanna be a shoe? What if I wanna be a- a purse, y'know? Or a- or a hat! No, I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat, I'm saying I am a ha- It's a metaphor, Daddy!  
  
SCOTT: You can see where he'd have trouble.  
  
JEAN: Look Daddy, it's my life. Well maybe I'll just stay here with Kitty.   
  
KITTY: Well, I guess we've like, established who's staying here with Kitty...  
  
JEAN: Well, maybe that's my decision. Well, maybe I don't need your money. Wait!! Wait, I said maybe!!  
  
A few minutes later Jean is breathing into a brown paper bag at the table, whilst the others comfort her.  
  
KITTY: Just breathe, breathe.. that's it. Just try to think of like, nice calm things...  
  
ROGUE: (Sings) Raindrops on roses and rabbits and kittens...  
  
JEAN and KITTY turn to look at her  
  
ROGUE: (Cont'd)..bluebells and sleighbells and- something with mittens... La la la la...  
  
JEAN: I'm all better now.  
  
ROGUE grins and walks over to KURT and EVAN.  
  
ROGUE: I helped!  
  
KITTY: Okay, look, this is probably for the best, y'know? Independence. Taking control of your life.  
  
EVAN comes and sits beside her.  
  
EVAN: And hey, you need anything, you can always come to Evan. Me and elf-boy live across the hall. And he's away a lot.  
  
KITTY: Evan, stop like, hitting on her! It's her wedding day!  
  
EVAN: What, like there's a rule or something?  
  
The door buzzer sounds and Kurt gets it.  
  
KURT: Please don't do that again, it's a horrible sound.  
  
JEAN-PAUL: (Over intercom) It's, uh, it's Jean-Paul.  
  
KITTY: Buzz him in!  
  
EVAN: Who's Jean-Paul?  
  
SCOTT: Jean-Paul Beaubier1? The Wine Guy, Jean-Paul?  
  
KITTY: Maybe.  
  
EVAN: Wait. Your 'not a real date' tonight is with Jean-Paul the Wine Guy?  
  
SCOTT: He finally asked you out?  
  
KITTY: Yes!  
  
KURT: Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.  
  
KITTY: Jean, wait, I can like, cancel...  
  
JEAN: Please, no, go, that'd be fine!  
  
KITTY: (To SCOTT) Are, are you okay? I mean, do you want me to stay?  
  
SCOTT: (Choked voice) That'd be good...  
  
KITTY: (Horrified) Really?  
  
SCOTT: (Normal voice) No, go on! It's Jean-Paul the Wine Guy!  
  
There's a knock at the door. KITTY gets it. It's JEAN-PAUL the Wine Guy. JEAN-PAUL is tall with brown hair, pointed ears and upswept eyebrows.  
  
KITTY: Hi, come in! Jean-Paul, this is..   
  
KITTY turns to find them all lined up next to the door.  
  
KITTY: (Cont'd) ... everybody, everybody, this like, is Jean-Paul.  
  
ALL: Hey! Jean-Paul! Hi! The Wine Guy! Hey!  
  
KURT: I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Jean-Paul, was it?  
  
KITTY shows JEAN-PAUL in.  
  
KITTY: Two seconds.  
  
ROGUE: Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.  
  
SCOTT: So Jean, what're you, uh... what're you up to tonight?  
  
JEAN: Well, I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon, so nothing!  
  
SCOTT: Right, you're not even getting your honeymoon, God.. No, no, although, Aruba, this time of year... talk about your-   
  
SCOTT thinks.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) -big lizards... Anyway, if you don't feel like being alone tonight, Evan and Kurt are coming over to help me put together my new furniture.  
  
KURT: (Deadpan) Ja, and ve're very excited about it.   
  
JEAN: Well actually thanks, but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight..  
  
SCOTT: Okay, sure.  
  
EVAN: Hey Rogue, you wanna help?  
  
ROGUE: Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.  
  
INT. SCOTT'S apartment.  
  
SCOTT, EVAN and KURT are assembling furniture. KURT and EVAN are making a bookcase, KURT using his tail to help him, whilst SCOTT is squatting and puzzling over some instructions.  
  
SCOTT: I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things, using a bunch of these little worm guys. I have no brackety thing, I see no worm guys whatsoever and- I cannot feel my legs.  
  
KURT and EVAN have just finished the bookcase. However, they have a piece left over.  
  
EVAN: What's this?  
  
KURT: I have no idea.  
  
EVAN checks SCOTT is not looking and dumps it in a plant pot.  
  
EVAN: Done with the bookcase!  
  
KURT: All finished!  
  
SCOTT is clutching a beer can and sniffling.  
  
SCOTT: This was Amara's favourite beer. She always drank it out of the can, I should have known.  
  
EVAN: Scott, let me ask you a question. She got the furniture, the stereo, the good TV- what did you get?  
  
SCOTT: You guys.  
  
KURT: Oh, man.  
  
EVAN: You got screwed.  
  
INT. RESTAURANT.  
  
KITTY and JEAN-PAUL are eating dinner.  
  
KITTY: Oh my God!  
  
JEAN-PAUL: I know, I know, I'm such an idiot. I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week. I mean, how clean can teeth get?  
  
KITTY: My brother's like, going through that right now, he's such a mess. How did you get through it?  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Well, you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers, say her-  
  
KITTY: -leg?  
  
JEAN-PAUL: (Laughing) That's one way! Me, I- I went for the watch.  
  
KITTY: You like, actually broke her watch?  
  
INT. KITTY'S APPARTMENT.  
  
JEAN is pacing around and talking on the phone.  
  
JEAN: Bobby, I'm sorry... I am so sorry... I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your socks on, but it isn't... it isn't, it's about me, and I ju-   
  
She stops talking and dials a number on the phone.  
  
JEAN: Hi, machine cut me off again... anyway...  
INT. SCOTT'S APPARTMENT  
  
SCOTT: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know? I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it? Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...  
  
EVAN: What are you talking about? 'One woman'? That's like saying there's only one flavour of ice cream for you. Lemme tell you something, Scott. There's lots of flavours out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, like, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!  
  
SCOTT: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.  
  
KURT: Stay avay from my freezer!  
  
INT. RESTAURANT  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...  
  
KITTY: What?..... What, you wanna like, spell it out with noodles?  
  
JEAN-PAUL: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.  
  
KITTY: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Isn't there?  
  
KITTY: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -So what were you gonna say?  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um, I haven't been able to, uh, perform.   
  
KITTY takes a sip of her drink.  
  
JEAN-PAUL: (Cont'd)...Sexually.   
  
KITTY spits out her drink in shock.  
  
KITTY: Oh God, oh God, I am like, so sorry... I am so sorry...  
  
JEAN-PAUL: It's okay...  
  
KITTY: Being spit on is like, probably not what you need right now. Um... how long?  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Two years.  
  
KITTY: Wow! I'm glad you smashed her watch!   
  
JEAN-PAUL: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?  
  
KITTY: (Pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.  
  
INT. KITTY'S APARTMENT  
  
JEAN is watching 'Joanie loves Chachi'.  
  
TV: 'I, Joanie, take you, Charles, to be my lawful husband.' 'Do you take...'  
  
JEAN: Oh...see... but Joanie loved Chachi! That's the difference!  
INT. SCOTT'S APARTMENT  
  
SCOTT: (Scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you? Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask?  
  
He gazes out of the window.  
  
INT. KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
JEAN is staring out of the window.  
  
INT. JEAN and KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
JEAN is making coffee for EVAN and KURT, who hasn't got his image inducer on currently.  
  
JEAN: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before in my entire life.  
  
KURT: Zat is amazing.  
  
EVAN: Congratulations. And while you're on a roll, if you feel like you gotta make like a Western omelette or something...  
  
EVAN and KURT taste the coffee, grimace, and pour it into a plant pot.  
  
EVAN: (Cont'd) Although actually I'm really not that hungry...  
  
KITTY enters from her room.  
  
ALL: Morning. Good morning.  
  
JEAN-PAUL enters from KITTY'S room. KURT hurridley switches his image inducer on, but luckily JEAN-PAUL is too busy looking at KITTY to notice him.  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Morning.  
  
EVAN: Morning, Jean-Paul.  
  
JEAN: Hello, Jean-Paul.  
  
KURT: Hi, Jean-Paul, is it?  
  
KITTY and JEAN-PAUL walk to the door and talk in a low voice so the others can't hear. The others shunt KITTY'S table closer to the door so they can hear.   
  
KITTY: I like, had a really great time last night.  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Thank you. Thank you so much.   
  
KITTY: We'll like, talk later.  
  
JEAN-PAUL: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you.   
  
JEAN-PAUL leaves.  
  
EVAN: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?  
  
KITTY: Shut up, and put my table back.  
  
ALL: Okayyy!   
  
THEY DO.  
  
KURT: All right, kids, I gotta get to vork. If I don't input zose numbers,... it doesn't make much of a difference...  
  
JEAN: So, like, you guys all have jobs?  
  
KITTY: Yeah, we all like, have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.  
  
EVAN: Yeah, I'm an actor.  
  
JEAN: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?  
  
EVAN: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.  
  
KITTY: Oh wait, wait, unless you like, happened to catch the Reruns' production of Pinocchio.  
  
KURT: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'  
  
EVAN: I will not take this abuse.   
  
EVAN walks to the door and opens it to leave.  
  
KURT: You're right, I'm sorry.   
  
KURT bursts into song and dances out of the door  
  
KURT: (Cont'd) 'Once I vas a vooden boy, a little vooden boy..'  
  
EVAN follows him out and closes the door behind him.  
  
KITTY: So like, how are you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Bobby? I can't stop smiling.  
  
JEAN: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.  
  
KITTY: I know, he's just so, so... Do you like, remember you and Duncan?  
  
JEAN: Oh, yeah.  
  
KITTY: Well, it's like that. With feelings.  
  
JEAN: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.  
  
KITTY: Okay. Okay. I am just like, going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day. Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.  
  
JEAN: Oh, look, wish me luck!  
  
KITTY: What for?  
  
JEAN: I'm gonna go get one of those job things.  
  
KITTY leaves.  
  
INT. IRIDIUM  
  
The Iridium is a restaurant where KITTY works as a chef. She is cutting some vegetables on her own, when the door opens and one of her colleagues, Yuriko2 enters.  
  
YURIKO: Hey, Kitty!  
  
KITTY: Hey, welcome back! Like, how was Florida?  
  
YURIKO: You had sex, didn't you?  
  
KITTY: How do you do that?  
  
YURIKO: So? Who?  
  
KITTY: You like, know Jean-Paul?  
  
YURIKO: Jean-Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Jean-Paul.  
  
KITTY: You like, mean you know Jean-Paul like I know Jean-Paul?  
  
YURIKO: Are you kidding? I take credit for Jean-Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Everyone is there, except for JEAN.  
  
EVAN: (Perched on the arm of the sofa) Of course it was a line!  
  
KITTY: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?  
  
SCOTT: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than 'to get you into bed'.  
  
KITTY: Is it me? Have I got like, some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?  
  
ROGUE: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet.  
  
ROGUE massages them.  
  
KITTY: I just thought he was like, nice, y'know?  
  
EVAN: (Bursts out laughing) I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!  
  
KITTY pushes him off the sofa arm. JEAN enters with shopping.  
  
JEAN: Guess what?  
  
SCOTT: You got a job?  
  
JEAN: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing! I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.  
  
KURT: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.  
  
JEAN: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty percent off!  
  
KURT: Oh, how vell you know me...  
  
JEAN: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots' boots!  
  
KITTY: How'd you like, pay for them?  
  
JEAN: Uh, credit card.  
  
KITTY: And who like, pays for that?  
  
JEAN: Um... my... father.  
  
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
Everyone is sitting around the table. On the table are JEAN'S credit cards and a pair of scissors.  
  
KITTY: C'mon, you can't like, live off your parents your whole life.  
  
JEAN: I know that. That's why I was getting married.  
  
ROGUE: Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.  
  
JEAN: Thank you.  
  
ROGUE: You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city. I was fourteen. My mom had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison, and I got here, and I didn't know anybody. And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windows outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy. So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.  
  
There's a pause.  
  
SCOTT: The word you're looking for is 'Anyway'...  
  
KITTY: You ready?  
  
JEAN: I don't think so.  
  
SCOTT: C'mon, cut. Cut, cut, cut,...  
  
ALL: Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut...   
  
JEAN cuts them all up and everybody cheers.  
  
KITTY: Welcome to the real world! It sucks. You're gonna love it!  
  
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
It's night now and KITTY, JEAN and SCOTT have just finished watching a film.  
  
KITTY: Well, that's like, it.   
  
JEAN: (To SCOTT) You gonna crash on the couch?  
  
SCOTT: No. No, I gotta go home sometime.  
  
KITTY: You gonna be okay?  
  
SCOTT: Yeah.  
  
JEAN: Hey Kitty, look what I just found on the floor.  
  
JEAN holds up a watch and KITTY smiles.  
  
JEAN: What?  
  
KITTY: That's Jean-Paul's watch. You just put it back where you found it. Oh boy. Alright. Goodnight, everybody.  
  
She stomps on Jean-Paul's watch and goes to her room.  
  
SCOTT: Mmm.  
  
Both SCOTT and JEAN reach for the last cookie.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) Oh, no-  
  
JEAN: Sorry-  
  
SCOTT: No no no, go-  
  
JEAN: No, you have it, really, I don't want it-  
  
SCOTT: Split it?  
  
JEAN: Okay.  
  
SCOTT: Okay.  
  
They split it.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) You know you probably didn't know this, but back at the Institute, I had a, um, major crush on you.  
  
JEAN: I knew.  
  
SCOTT: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Kitty's geeky older brother.  
  
JEAN: I did.  
  
SCOTT: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here- but do you think it would be okay if I asked you out? Sometime? Maybe?  
  
JEAN: Yeah, maybe...  
  
SCOTT: Okay... okay, maybe I will...  
  
JEAN: Goodnight.  
  
SCOTT: Goodnight.  
  
JEAN gets up and goes into her bedroom. SCOTT looks happy as he leaves, and as he's about to go KITTY emerges in a dressing gown.  
  
KITTY: See ya.... Waitwait, what's like, with you?  
  
SCOTT: I just grabbed a spoon.  
  
SCOTT leaves.  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
JEAN is working as a waitress, whilst everyone else is sitting on the sofa and chairs.  
  
EVAN: I can't believe what I'm hearing here.  
  
ROGUE: (Sings) I can't believe what I'm hearing here...  
  
KITTY: What? I-I said you had like, a-  
  
ROGUE: (Sings) What I said...  
  
KITTY: (To ROGUE) Would you stop?  
  
ROGUE: Oh, was I doing it again?  
  
JEAN walks up with a pot of coffee.  
  
JEAN: Would anybody like more coffee?  
  
KURT: Did you make it, or are you just serving it?  
  
JEAN: I'm just serving it.  
  
ALL: Yeah. Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.  
  
KURT: Kids, new dream... I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minelli-  
  
CAST  
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow  
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo  
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis  
Rogue/Waitress.................................Meghan Black  
Kurt Wagner.................................Brad Swaile  
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra  
Yuriko.................................Janyse Jaud  
Jean-Paul Beaubier.................................Vincent Gale  
  
What will happen to our intrepid band of friends next episode. Here's a quick preview.  
  
KITTY: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is like, as important as any part of it.  
AMARA: I'm pregnant.  
SCOTT: Pregnant?!  
JEAN: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet someone, fall in love- and that'd be it?   
SCOTT gazes at her  
JEAN: (Cont'd) ..Scott?  
SCOTT: Yes, yes!  
BOBBY: I went with Rahne.  
JEAN: Rahne?! My maid of honour, Rahne?!  
  
All this and much more in the next episode of X Friends!  
  
1 - Jean-Paul Beaubier is an X-Man known as Northstar who can move at incredible speeds and fly.  
2 - Yuriko is Lady Deathstrike's real name. Lady Deathstrike possesses bionic limbs and senses, telescoping arms, and lethal claws, among other enhancements. 


	2. The One With the Sonogram at the End

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the X-Men or Friends. None of these characters belong to me, nor do the situations.  
  


**The One With the Sonogram at the End**

  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Everyone is present, sitting on the sofa and chairs.  
  
KITTY: What you guys don't understand is, for us, kissing is like, as important as any part of it.  
  
EVAN: Yeah, right!.......Y'serious?  
  
ROGUE: Oh, yeah!  
  
JEAN: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss.  
  
KITTY: Like, absolutely.  
  
KURT: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like ze stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out.  
  
SCOTT: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.  
  
KURT: The problem is, though, after ze concert's over, no matter how great the show vas, you girls are always looking for ze comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in ze car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay avake.  
  
JEAN: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.  
  
EVAN: (PAUSE)....Are we still talking about sex ?  
  
INT. MUSEUM OF PREHISTORIC HISTORY  
  
SCOTT and a colleague, SARAH are setting up an exhibit, which includes some mannequins of cave people.  
  
SCOTT: No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?  
  
SARAH: Well, she has issues.  
  
SCOTT: Does she.  
  
SARAH: He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!  
  
SCOTT: Sarah, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?  
  
SARAH: Speaking of issues, isn't that your ex-wife?  
  
AMARA has entered behind them, outside the exhibit.  
  
SCOTT: (Trying to ignore her) No. No.  
  
SARAH: Yes, it is. Amara! Hi!  
  
SCOTT: Okay, okay, yes, it is.  
  
He waves to AMARA. AMARA is quite tall, with long brown hair.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age.  
  
SARAH leaves, and SCOTT waves at AMARA to come into the exhibit.  
  
SCOTT: Hi.  
  
AMARA: So.  
  
SCOTT: You look great. I, uh... I hate that.  
  
AMARA: Sorry. You look good too.  
  
SCOTT: Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh...  
  
AMARA: A lesbian?  
  
SCOTT: Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?  
  
AMARA: Malaya's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-  
  
SCOTT: Why- why are you here, Amara?  
  
AMARA: I'm pregnant.  
  
SCOTT: Pregnant?!  
  
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
KURT, EVAN, ROGUE and KITTY are watching 'Three's Company'  
  
KURT: Oh, I zink zis is ze episode of Three's Company vhere zere's some kind of misunderstanding.  
  
ROGUE: ...Then I've already seen this one!  
  
She turns the TV off.  
  
KITTY takes EVAN'S drink  
  
KITTY: Are you through with that?  
  
EVAN: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down.  
  
KITTY: Whose little ball of paper is this?!  
  
KURT: Oh, uh, zat vould be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and zen I realised I didn't need it, so I balled it up and... (off KITTY'S look) ...now I vish I vas dead.  
  
KITTY starts to fluff a pillow.  
  
ROGUE: She's already fluffed that pillow... Kitty, you know, you've already fluffed that- (KITTY gives her a look) -but, it's fine!  
  
KITTY: Look , I'm sorry, guys, I just don't wanna like, give them any more ammunition than they already have.  
  
KURT: Yes, and ve all know how cruel a parent can be about ze flatness of a child's pillow.  
  
ROGUE: Kitty - Hi! Um, Kitty, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way.  
  
EVAN: Yeah, calm down. You don't see Scott getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come.  
  
KITTY: That's because like, as far as my parents are concerned, Scott can do no wrong. Y'see, he's the Prince. Apparently they had some like, big ceremony before I was born.  
  
KURT is standing looking out of the window.  
  
KURT: Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew!  
  
KITTY: What?  
  
KURT: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster!  
  
ALL: Eeaagh!  
  
JEAN enters from her bedroom.  
  
JEAN: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?  
  
ROGUE: Yeah, it's beautiful.  
  
JEAN: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God....  
  
She starts to look under cushions.  
  
ROGUE: No, look, don't touch that!  
  
JEAN: Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him... 'Hi Bobby! Remember me? I'm the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!' Oh God and now I'm gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder...  
  
KITTY: Easy Jean, we'll like, find it for you.  
  
She turns to the others.  
  
KITTY: (Cont'd) Won't we!  
  
KURT and EVAN: Oh! Yeah!  
  
EVAN: Alright, when'd'ya have it on last?  
  
ROGUE: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!  
  
KURT: You don't get a lot of 'doy' zese days...  
  
JEAN: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with...  
  
KURT: ...Dinah?  
  
JEAN looks at the lasagne and sudden realisation hits her.  
  
JEAN: Ohhhhh, don't be mad...  
  
KITTY: You didn't.  
  
JEAN: Oh, I am sorry...  
  
KITTY: I gave you like, one job!  
  
She starts examining the lasagne through the glass dish.  
  
JEAN: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!  
  
KURT: Now, Kitty, you know zat's not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne...  
  
KITTY puts the lasagne down.  
  
KITTY: I just... can't do it.  
  
KURT: Boys? We're going in.  
  
KURT, EVAN and ROGUE start to pick through the lasagne. There is a knock at the door. It is SCOTT.  
  
SCOTT: .....Hi.  
  
KITTY: Wow. That is not like, a happy hi.  
  
SCOTT: Amara's pregnant.  
  
ROGUE: (While everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it!  
  
She holds up Jean's wedding ring.  
  
KITTY: W-w-wh-... wha-... w-w-w-...  
  
SCOTT: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now.  
  
He comes in.  
  
KURT: Kinda puts zat whole pillow thing in perspective, huh, Kitty?  
  
JEAN: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing?  
  
SCOTT: Well, Amara says she and Taryn want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be involved.. basically it's entirely up to me.  
  
ROGUE: She is so great! I miss her.  
  
KITTY: What does she mean by 'involved'?  
  
KURT: I mean presumably, ze biggest part of your job is done.  
  
SCOTT: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow.  
  
JEAN: So what are you gonna do?  
  
SCOTT: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still gonna be a father.  
  
At the sound of EVAN eating the lasagne the gang turn round and stare at him accusingly.  
  
EVAN: .....Well, this is still ruined?  
  
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
It is the evening now. KITTY and SCOTT are pouring wine for MR. and MRS. SUMMERS. MR. SUMMERS is tall and resembles SCOTT with short brown hair. MRS. SUMMERS is average height and has short blonde hair  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, Martha Ludwin's daughter is gonna call you.  
  
She tastes a snack.  
  
MRS SUMMERS: Mmm! What's that curry taste?  
  
KITTY: Curry.  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: Mmmm!  
  
SCOTT: I- I think they're great! I, I really do.  
  
MR. SUMMERS: (To SCOTT) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didn't she?  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: They all had a thing for him.  
  
SCOTT: Aw, Mom...  
  
KITTY: I'm sorry, why is this girl going to like, call me?  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, she just graduated, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or.... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant-  
  
KITTY: No Mom, I don't have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant.  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: Well, they don't have to know that...  
  
She starts to fluff the pillows.  
  
KITTY: Scott, could you come and like, help me with the spaghetti, please?  
  
SCOTT: Yeah.  
  
They go to the kitchen.  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's.... easy.  
  
KITTY: I know this is going to sound like, unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might like, take some of the heat off me.  
  
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
SCOTT, KITTY and their parents are eating dinner.  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: What that Jean did to her life.... We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well.  
  
MR. SUMMERS: I'm not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding... but forty thousand dollars is a lot of money!  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar...  
  
KITTY: Like, what's that supposed to mean?  
  
MRS. SUMMERS: Nothing! It's an expression.  
  
KITTY: No it's not.  
  
MR. SUMMERS: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid... and you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles...  
  
INT. INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
They are starting on dessert.  
  
MR. SUMMERS: Look, there are people like Scott who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer.  
  
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
They have finished the meal.  
  
MR. SUMMERS: ...And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God 'Our Little Kitty' doesn't seem to have that problem.  
  
KITTY: (Trying to change the subject) So, Scott what's like, going on with you? Any stories?  
  
She digs her elbow into his hand  
  
KITTY: (Cont'd) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?  
  
SCOTT pulls his hand away from her.  
  
SCOTT: Okay! Okay. (TO MR. and MRS. SUMMERS) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Amara and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Amara's a lesbian. She's living with a woman named Taryn. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Taryn are going to raise the baby.  
  
There is a stunned silence.  
  
MRS. SUMMERS turns to KITTY.  
  
MRS SUMMERS: And you knew about this?!  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
It is the end of the day and everyone is consoling KITTY about her parents visit.  
  
EVAN: Your folks are really that bad, huh?  
  
SCOTT: Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done.  
  
KITTY: Boy, I know they say you can't like, change your parents,... boy, if you could- (To SCOTT) -I'd want yours.  
  
SCOTT: Excuse me guys, I gotta go pee.  
  
SCOTT goes to the toilet.  
  
ROGUE: Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins.  
  
JEAN: You're twins?  
  
ROGUE: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven career type.  
  
KURT: Vat does she do?  
  
ROGUE: She's a waitress.  
  
JEAN: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now.  
  
They all start to leave.  
  
KITTY: Kurt, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this.  
  
KURT: Vell, no, alzough I did have an imaginary friend, who... my parents actually preferred.  
  
JEAN: The lights, please..  
  
EVAN turns off the light and they all leave. JEAN starts to sweep, then SCOTT comes back from the toilet.  
  
SCOTT: ...How long was I in there?  
  
JEAN: I'm just cleaning up.  
  
SCOTT: D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?  
  
JEAN: Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks!   
  
She hands him the broom and then sits down on one of the bar stools.  
  
SCOTT: Anyway.. um..  
  
He starts to sweep.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) So, you- uh- you nervous about Bobby tomorrow?  
  
JEAN: Oh.. a little..  
  
SCOTT: Mm-hmm..  
  
JEAN: A lot.  
  
SCOTT: Mm.  
  
JEAN: So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?  
  
SCOTT: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey! I'll go down there, and I'll give Bobby back his ring, and you can go with Amara and Taryn to the OB/GYN..  
  
JEAN: Oh, you've got Amara tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?  
  
SCOTT: Got me.  
  
JEAN: Remember when we were in high school together?  
  
SCOTT: Yeah.  
  
JEAN: I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet somone, fall in love- and that'd be it?  
  
SCOTT gazes at her.  
  
JEAN: (Cont'd) ..Scott?  
  
SCOTT: Yes, yes!  
  
JEAN: Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here..  
  
She leans back onto his hand.  
  
SCOTT: Me either...  
  
He pulls up a stool and sits down so he doesn't have to pull his hand away.  
  
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC  
  
AMARA is sitting in a doctor's room, waiting. SCOTT enters.  
  
SCOTT: Sorry I'm late, I was stuck at work. There was this big dinosaur.. thing.. anyway.  
  
TARYN enters, carrying a drink. She is tall, with long brown hair.  
  
TARYN: Hi Scott.  
  
AMARA: Scott, you know Taryn.  
  
SCOTT: How could I forget her?  
  
SCOTT and TARYN shake hands.  
  
SCOTT: Hello, Taryn. (To AMARA) Good shake. Good shake. So, uh, we're just waiting for...?  
  
AMARA: Dr. Katsui.  
  
SCOTT: ..Dr. Katsui. Okay. And is he-  
  
TARYN: She.  
  
SCOTT: -she, of course, she- uh- familiar with our.. special situation?  
  
AMARA: Yes, and she's very supportive.  
  
SCOTT: Okay, that's great.  
  
TARYN holds out her drink.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) No, I'm- Oh.  
  
He passes it to AMARA.  
  
AMARA: Thanks.  
  
SCOTT picks up a surgical instrument and mimes a duck with it.  
  
SCOTT: Quack, quack..  
  
AMARA: Scott? That opens my cervix.  
  
SCOTT drops it in horror.  
  
INT. BOBBY'S SURGERY  
  
BOBBY is working on a patient's mouth. BOBBY is tall, with long brown hair, tied back in a ponytail. JEAN walks in.  
  
JEAN: Bobby?  
  
BOBBY: C'mon in.  
  
JEAN: (Hesitant) Are you sure?  
  
BOBBY: Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. He's gonna be here for hours.  
  
PATIENT: Huh?!  
  
BOBBY: So, how ya doin?  
  
JEAN: I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!  
  
BOBBY: Yeah, well..  
  
SECRETARY: (Over intercom) Dr. Daniels, John Allerdyce is gagging.  
  
BOBBY: (To intercom) Be right there. (To PATIENT and JEAN) Be back in a sec.  
  
The PATIENT stares at JEAN.  
  
JEAN: I dumped him.  
  
PATIENT: Okay.  
  
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC  
  
SCOTT, TARYN and AMARA are still waiting for the DOCTOR. SCOTT is obviously uneasy.  
  
SCOTT: So, um- so how's this, uh, how's this gonna work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made?  
  
AMARA: Give me a 'for instance'.  
  
SCOTT: Well, uh, uh, I don't know, okay, okay, how about with the, uh, with the baby's name?  
  
AMARA: Marlon-  
  
SCOTT: Marlon?!  
  
AMARA: -if it's a boy, Minnie if it's a girl.  
  
SCOTT: ...As in Mouse?  
  
AMARA: As in my grandmother.  
  
SCOTT: Still, you- you say Minnie, you hear Mouse. Um, how about, um.. how about Julia?  
  
AMARA: Julia..  
  
TARYN: We agreed on Minnie.  
  
SCOTT: 'S'funny, um, uh, we agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Julia's on the table..?  
  
INT. BOBBY'S SURGERY  
  
JEAN is doing her makeup in the mirror on BOBBY'S lamp. BOBBY walks in.  
  
BOBBY: Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?  
  
JEAN: Oh, not much. I-I got a job.  
  
BOBBY: Oh, that's great.  
  
JEAN: Why are- why are you so tanned?  
  
BOBBY: Oh, I, uh- I went to Aruba.  
  
JEAN: Oh no. You went on our honeymoon alone?  
  
BOBBY: No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.  
  
PATIENT: Me?!  
  
BOBBY: No! (To JEAN) I went with Jubilee.  
  
JEAN: Jubilee?! My maid of honour, Jubilee?!  
  
BOBBY: Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now.  
  
JEAN: Oh! Well, um..  
  
She grabs his forehead.  
  
JEAN: You've got plugs!  
  
BOBBY: Careful! They haven't quite taken yet.  
  
JEAN: And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!  
  
BOBBY: Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you.  
  
JEAN: Okay..  
  
BOBBY: See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm an orthodontist.  
  
JEAN: Wow.  
  
BOBBY: You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Jubilee, now I'm happy. Spit.  
  
JEAN: What?  
  
PATIENT: Me.  
  
He spits.  
  
JEAN: Anyway, um,  
  
She gets the ring out of her purse.  
  
JEAN: (Cont'd) I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me.  
  
BOBBY: Well, thank you for giving it back.  
  
JEAN hands the ring back and BOBBY and JEAN smile at each other for a bit.  
  
PATIENT: Hello?!  
  
INT. NEW YORK CLINIC  
  
TARYN: Oh, please! What's wrong with Helen?  
  
SCOTT: Helen Summers? I don't think so.  
  
AMARA: Hello? It's not gonna be Helen Summers.  
  
SCOTT: Thank you!  
  
AMARA: No, I mean it's not Summers.  
  
SCOTT: What, it's gonna be Helen Aquilla?  
  
AMARA: No, actually, um, we talked about Helen Aquilla-Fujioka.  
  
SCOTT: Well, wait a minute, wha- why is she in the title?  
  
TARYN: It's my baby too.  
  
SCOTT: Oh, 's'funny, really? Um, I don't remember you making any sperm.  
  
TARYN: Yeah, and we all know what a challenge that is!  
  
AMARA: All right, you two, stop it!  
  
SCOTT: No no no, she gets a credit, hey, I'm in there too.  
  
AMARA: Scott. You're not actually suggesting Helen Aquilla-Fujioka-Summers? 'Cause I think that borders on child abuse.  
  
SCOTT: Of course not, I'm... suggesting Summers-Aquilla-Fujioka.  
  
TARYN: Oh, no, nonononono, you see what he's doing? He knows no-one's gonna say all those names, so they'll wind up calling her Summers, then he gets his way!  
  
SCOTT: My way?! You-you think this is my way? Believe me, of all the ways I ever imagined this moment in my life being, this is not my way- y'know what? Uh, um, this is too hard. I'm not, I can't do-  
  
DR. KATSUI enters.  
  
DR. KATSUI: Knock knock! How are we today? Any nausea?  
  
ALL: Yeah. Yeah. A little.  
  
DR. KATSUI: Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be, but.. thanks for sharing. (To AMARA) Uh, lie back..  
  
SCOTT: You- uh- y'know what, I'm gonna go. I don't- I don't think I can be involved in this particular thing right now.  
  
He turns to go, but the sound of the sonogram catches his ear. He returns and stares at it transfixed.  
  
SCOTT: Oh my God.  
  
TARYN: Look at that.  
  
AMARA: I know.  
  
INT. KITTY AND JEAN'S APPARTMENT  
  
Everyone is watching a video of the sonogram.  
  
SCOTT: Well? Isn't that amazing?  
  
EVAN: What are we supposed to be seeing here?  
  
KURT: I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack ze Enterprise.  
  
ROGUE: You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato.  
  
SCOTT: Then don't do that, alright?  
  
ROGUE: Okay!  
  
SCOTT walks over to where KITTY is standing.  
  
SCOTT: Kitty. Whaddya think?  
  
KITTY has tears in her eyes.  
  
KITTY: Mm-hmm.  
  
SCOTT: Wh- are you welling up?  
  
KITTY: No.  
  
SCOTT: You are, you're welling up.  
  
KITTY: I am so totally not!  
  
SCOTT: You're gonna be an aunt.  
  
KITTY pushes him and starts to cry.  
  
KITTY: Oh shut up!  
  
JEAN is on the phone.  
  
JEAN: Hi, Jubilee. Hi, it-it's Jean. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Bobby today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Jubilee, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose.  
  
She slams down the phone, and turns to the gang, who are staring.  
  
JEAN: Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel SO much better now.  
  
CAST  
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow  
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo  
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis  
Rogue.................................Meghan Black  
Kurt Wagner.................................Brad Swaile  
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra  
Amara Aquilla.................................Alexandra Carter  
Taryn Fujioka .................................Janyse Jaud  
Sarah.................................Nicole Oliver  
Mr. Summers.................................Michael Kopsa  
Mrs. Summers.................................Ellen Kennedy  
Dr. Katsui.................................Chiara Zanni  
Bobby Drake.................................Andrew Francis  
  
And that's a wrap with episode two of X-Men: Friends. But what about next episode? Here's a sneak peek:  
  
KURT: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as ze thing that's been missing from your hand. Ven you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.  
ROGUE: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not- mine'...  
KITTY: I mean, why should I like, let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're like, all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.  
SCOTT: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.  
  
All this, and much more next time on X Friends!  
  



	3. The One With the Thumb

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men or Friends and all characters and situations do not belong to me. Enjoy!  
  


**The One With the Thumb**

  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Everyone is there, except for Rogue, who enters.  
  
ROGUE: (ENTERING) Hi guys!  
  
ALL: Hey, Rogue! Hi!  
  
SCOTT: Hey. Oh, oh, how'd it go?  
  
ROGUE: Um, not so good. He walked me to the subway and said 'We should do this again!'  
  
ALL: Ohh. Ouch.  
  
JEAN: What? He said 'we should do it again', that's good, right?  
  
KITTY: Uh, no. Loosely translated 'We should do this again' means like, 'You will so totally never see me naked'.  
  
JEAN: Since when?  
  
EVAN: Since always. It's like dating language. Y'know, like 'It's not you' means 'It is you'.  
  
KURT: Or 'You're such a nice guy' means 'I'm gonna be dating leather-vearing alcoholics and complaining about zem to you'.  
  
ROGUE: Or, or, y'know, um, 'I think we should see other people' means 'Ha, ha, I already am'.  
  
JEAN: And everybody knows this?  
  
EVAN: Yeah. Cushions the blow.  
  
KURT: Ja, it's like ven you're a kid, and your parents put your dog to sleep, and zey tell you it vent off to live on some farm.  
  
SCOTT: That's funny, that, no, because, uh, our parents actually did, uh, send our dog off to live on a farm.  
  
KITTY: Uh, Scott.  
  
SCOTT: What? Wh- hello? The Millners' farm in Connecticut? The Millners, they had this unbelievable farm, they had horses, and, and rabbits that he could chase and it was- it w- .....Oh my God, Chi Chi!  
  
INT. KURT and EVAN'S APPARTMENTPART  
  
EVAN is rehearsing a part, KURT is reading from the other part.  
  
KURT: "So how does it feel knowing you're about to die?"  
  
EVAN: "Warden, in five minutes my pain will be over. But you'll have to live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die."  
  
KURT: Hey, that vas really good!   
  
EVAN: Thanks! Let's keep going.  
  
KURT: Okay. "So. Vhaddya vant from me, Damone, huh?"  
  
EVAN: "I just wanna go back to my cell. 'Cause in my cell, I can smoke."  
  
KURT: "Smoke away."  
  
EVAN takes out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter. He fumbles and drops the lighter. Then he lights a cigarette, takes a drag and coughs.  
  
KURT: I zink this is probably vhy Damone smokes in his cell alone.  
  
EVAN: What?  
  
KURT: Relax your hand!  
  
EVAN lets his wrist go limp.  
  
KURT: Not so much!  
  
EVAN: Whoah!  
  
KURT: Hey!  
  
EVAN: Hey!  
  
KURT: Alright, now try taking a puff.  
  
EVAN tries and visibly winces.  
  
KURT: Alright.. okay. Nien. Give it to me.  
  
EVAN: No no no, I am not giving you a cigarette.  
  
KURT: It's fine, it's fine. Look, do you vanna get this part, or not? Here.  
  
EVAN reluctantly gives him the cigarette.  
  
KURT: Don't think of it as a cigarette. Think of it as ze thing zat's been missing from your hand. Ven you're holding it, you feel right. You feel complete.  
  
EVAN: Y'miss it?  
  
KURT: Nah, not so much. Alright, now ve smoke.  
  
He takes a puff.  
  
KURT: (Cont'd) Oh.. my.. God.  
  
He continues to smoke.  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Everyone is present except for JEAN and ROGUE.  
  
KITTY: No, no, no. They say it's like, the same as the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb to the tip of his index finger.  
  
The guys stretch out their hands.  
  
EVAN: That's ridiculous!  
  
SCOTT: Can I use.. either thumb?  
  
JEAN brings some drinks over.  
  
JEAN: Alright, don't tell me, don't tell me!  
  
She hands them out.  
  
JEAN: (Cont'd) Decaf cappucino for Evan.. Coffee black.. Late.. And an iced tea. I'm getting pretty good at this!  
  
ALL: Yeah. Yeah, excellent.  
  
JEAN leaves to serve others.  
  
JEAN: Good for me!  
  
As soon as she's gone, the others all swap around their drinks. ROGUE then enters, muttering. She sits down without saying hi.  
  
EVAN: Y'okay, Rogue?  
  
ROGUE: Yeah- no- I'm just- it's, I haven't worked- It's my bank.  
  
KITTY: Like, what did they do to you?  
  
ROGUE: It's nothing, it's just- Okay. I'm going through my mail, and I open up their monthly, you know, STATEMENT-  
  
SCOTT: Easy.  
  
ROGUE: - and there's five hundred extra dollars in my account.  
  
KURT: Oh nein, Satan's minions at vork again...  
  
ROGUE: Yes, 'cause now I have to go down there, and deal with them.  
  
EVAN: What are you talking about? Keep it!  
  
ROGUE: It's not mine, I didn't earn it, if I kept it, it would be like stealing.  
  
JEAN: Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping!  
  
ROGUE: Okay. Okay, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes. Do you know what I'd hear, with every step I took? 'Not-mine. Not-mine. Not-mine.' And even if I was happy, okay, and, and skipping- 'Not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine, not-not-mine'...  
  
KITTY: We're totally with you. We got it.  
  
KURT leans back over the back of the sofa, out of sight.  
  
ROGUE: Okay. I'd- just- I'd never be able to enjoy it. It would be like this giant karmic debt.  
  
JEAN: Kurt, what are you doing?  
  
KITTY pulls him up.  
  
KITTY: Hey. Whaddya doing?  
  
KURT tries to shrug nonchalantly but eventually he has to exhale a mouthful of smoke.  
  
ALL: Oh! Oh, God!  
  
SCOTT: What is this?!  
  
KURT: I'm smoking. I'm smoking, I'm smoking.  
  
ROGUE: Oh, I can't believe you! You've been so good, for three years!  
  
KURT: And this- is my reward!  
  
SCOTT: Hold on a second, alright? Just think about what you went through the last time you quit.  
  
KURT: Okay, so this time I von't quit!  
  
ALL: Ohhh! Put it out!  
  
KURT: All right! I'm putting it out, I'm putting it out.  
  
He drops it in ROGUE'S COFFEE  
  
ROGUE: Oh, no! I- I can't drink this now!  
  
KITTY: Alright. I'm gonna like, go change, I've got a date.  
  
JEAN: This Alan again? How's it goin'?  
  
KITTY: 'S'going pretty good, y'know? It's nice, and, we're totally having fun.  
  
EVAN: So when do we get to meet the guy?  
  
KITTY: Let's see, today's Monday... Never.  
  
ALL: Oh, come on! Come on!  
  
KITTY: No. Not after what happened with Steve.  
  
KURT: Vat are you talking about? Ve love Schhteve! Schhteve vas schhexy!.. Sorry.  
  
KITTY: Look, I don't even know how I like, feel about him yet. Just give me a chance to figure that out okay?  
  
JEAN: Well, then can we meet him?  
  
KITTY: Nope. Schhorry.  
  
INT. IRIDIUM  
  
ISIHIZU and YURIKO are at work.  
  
KITTY: I mean, why should I like, let them meet him? I mean, I bring a guy home, and within five minutes they're like, all over him. I mean, they're like- coyotes, picking off the weak members of the herd.  
  
YURIKO: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef, I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing. I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you.  
  
KITTY: I know. I just wish that once, I'd like, bring a guy home that they actually liked.  
  
YURIKO: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
Everyone is inside, except for KURT who is smoking on the balcony and ROGUE who is absent.  
  
EVAN: Let it go, Scott.  
  
SCOTT: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.  
  
KITTY: Do you all like, promise?  
  
ALL: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!  
  
KITTY: (Shouts to KURT) Kurt? Do you promise to be good?  
  
KURT makes a 'cross my heart' sign. It starts to rain and KURT taps on the window.  
  
EVAN: You can come in, but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!  
  
KURT sulkily picks up a garbage can lid and shelters himself under it. ROGUE enters and strides to the couch, where she begins to read without saying hi.  
  
SCOTT: Hey, Rogue.  
  
ROGUE: 'Dear Ms. Rogue. Thank you for calling attention to our error. We have credited your account with five hundred dollars. We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this-  
  
She searches in her purse and pulls out a football phone.  
  
ROGUE: -football phone as our free gift.' Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars, and a football phone!  
  
JEAN: What bank is this?  
  
The door buzzer sounds.  
  
KITTY: Hey. It's him. (To intercom) Who is it?  
  
ALAN (Intercom): It's Alan.  
  
EVAN: (Shouts to KURT) Kurt! He's here!  
  
KURT comes in, dripping wet.  
  
KITTY: (To ALL) Okay, please be good, please. Just like, remember how much you all like me.  
  
She opens the front door and ALAN enters.  
  
KITTY: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.  
  
ALAN: Hi.  
  
ALL: Hi, Alan.  
  
ALAN: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!  
  
Everyone laughs.  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT.  
  
It is late in the evening, and KITTY is showing ALAN out.  
  
KITTY: (At the door with ALAN) Thanks. I'll call you tomorrow. (To ALL) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin. Who's like, gonna take the first shot, hmm?  
  
There is silence.  
  
KITTY: C'mon!  
  
SCOTT: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at- no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.  
  
ALL: Loved him! Yeah! He's great!  
  
KITTY: Wait a minute! We're both like, talking about someone that I'm going out with?  
  
ALL: Yeah!  
  
JEAN: And did you notice...?  
  
She spreads her thumb and index finger.  
  
THE GUYS: (Reluctantly) Yeah.  
  
EVAN: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.  
  
ROGUE: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!  
  
SCOTT: ...What shoe?  
  
ROGUE: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'  
  
There's a dubious pause.  
  
SCOTT: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against which all future boyfriends will be measured.  
  
JEAN: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be, y'know, it.  
  
KITTY: Really!  
  
KURT: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for his David Hasselhof impression alone. You know I'm gonna be doing zat at parties, right?  
  
He does it.  
  
SCOTT: You know what I like most about him, though?  
  
ALL: What?  
  
SCOTT: The way he makes me feel about myself.  
  
ALL: Yeah...  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
KITTY is alone. SCOTT, JEAN, KURT and EVAN enter dejectedly, in softball gear.  
  
KITTY: Hi.. so, how was the game?  
  
SCOTT: Well..  
  
ALL: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!  
  
KITTY: Fantastic! I have like, one question: How is that possible?  
  
EVAN: Alan.  
  
SCOTT: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, right, but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan, third base-...  
  
JEAN: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.  
  
KURT: Yep, ve sure showed zose Hassidic jewellers a thing or two about softball..  
  
KITTY: Can I ask you guys a question? D'you ever like, think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..  
  
SCOTT: What?  
  
KITTY: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?  
  
JEAN: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan.  
  
SCOTT: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.  
  
KURT: I personally could have a gallon of Alan.  
  
EXT. STREET  
  
A woman named IRENE ADDLER is resting by a wall. ROGUE walks up to her.  
  
ROGUE: Hey, Irene.  
  
IRENE: Hey, Weird Girl.  
  
ROGUE: I brought you alphabet soup.  
  
IRENE: Did you pick out the vowels?  
  
ROGUE: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y". Uh, I also have something else for you.  
  
She searches in her purse.  
  
IRENE: Saltines?  
  
ROGUE: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?  
  
IRENE: What?  
  
She opens the envelope ROGUE has given her.  
  
IRENE: Oh my God, there's really money in here.  
  
ROGUE: I know.  
  
IRENE: Weird Girl, what are you doing?  
  
ROGUE: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.  
  
IRENE: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.  
  
ROGUE: Oh, that's fine, no.  
  
IRENE: Would you like my tin-foil hat?  
  
ROGUE: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.  
  
IRENE: Please, let me do something.  
  
ROGUE: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?  
  
IRENE: Okay.  
  
ROGUE: Okay.  
  
INT. KURT'S OFFICE  
  
KURT looks around, then opens his desk drawer and takes a puff of a cigarette. Then he sprays some air freshener around and takes some breath spray. He types again for a moment, then he opens the drawer again and takes another puff. Not paying attention, he sprays the breath spray around the room, takes a squirt of air freshener and gags.  
  
EXT. SODA STAND  
  
ROGUE and IRENE are buying a soda.  
  
IRENE: Keep the change. (To ROGUE) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?  
  
ROGUE: No, I'm fine.  
  
IRENE leaves.  
  
IRENE: See ya.  
  
ROGUE opens the can and reacts.  
  
ROGUE: Huh!  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Everyone is sitting down as ROGUE tells them about her about her soda.  
  
SCOTT: A thumb?!  
  
ROGUE nods.  
  
ALL: Eww!  
  
ROGUE: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was, just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!  
  
KURT: Vell, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?  
  
ROGUE: Does, um, anyone wanna see?  
  
ALL: Nooo!  
  
KURT lights a cigarette.  
  
ALL: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!  
  
JEAN: It's worse than the thumb!  
  
KURT: Hey, zis is so unfair!  
  
KITTY: Oh, why is it so unfair?  
  
KURT: So I have a flaw! Big deal! Like Evan's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? And Scott, vith his over-pronouncing every single vord? And Kitty, vith that snort when she laughs? I mean, vhat the hell is that thing? ...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?  
  
There's an uncomfortable silence.  
  
EVAN: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?  
  
JEAN: Well, I-I could live without it.  
  
EVAN: Well, is it, like, a little annoying, or is it like when Rogue chews her hair?  
  
ROGUE spits out her hair.  
  
SCOTT: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Rogue, I think it's endearing.  
  
EVAN: Oh, (Imitating SCOTT) "you do, do you"?  
  
KITTY laughs and snorts.  
  
SCOTT: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.  
  
JEAN: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.  
  
ROGUE: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.  
  
JEAN: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.  
  
They degenerate into bickering and KURT happily smokes undisturbed.  
  
INT. IRIDIUM  
  
Once again, KITTY and YURIKO are at work.  
  
KITTY: Did you ever like, go out with a guy your friends all really like?  
  
YURIKO: No.  
  
KITTY: Okay.. Well, I'm going out with a guy my friends totally like.  
  
YURIKO: Wait wait.. we talking about the coyotes here? All right, a cow got through!  
  
KITTY: Can you believe it? ...Y'know what? I just don't like, feel the thing. I mean, they feel the thing, I don't feel the thing.  
  
YURIKO: Honey.. you should always feel the thing. Listen, if that's how you feel about the guy, Kitty, dump him!  
  
KITTY: I know.. it's gonna be like, really hard.  
  
YURIKO: Well, he's a big boy, he'll get over it.  
  
KITTY: No, he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about.  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
EVAN and SCOTT are persecuting KURT.  
  
EVAN: Do you have any respect for your body?  
  
SCOTT: Don't you realise what you're-you're doing to yourself?  
  
KURT: Hey, y'know, I have had it vith you guys and your cancer and your emphysema and your heart disease. The bottom line is, smoking is cool, and you know it.  
  
JEAN comes over with a phone.  
  
JEAN: Kurt? It's Alan, he wants to speak to you.  
  
KURT: Really? He does?  
  
He takes the phone.  
  
KURT: (Cont'd) Hey, buddy, vhat's up! Oh, she told you about zat, huh. Vell, yeah, I have ein now and then. Vell, yeah, now. Vell, it's not that big- ..vell, that's true,.. Gee, y'know, no-one- no-one's ever put it like that before. Vell, okay, thanks!  
  
He hands back the phone and stubs out his cigarette.  
  
JEAN: (To SCOTT, who has wandered up) God, he's good.  
  
SCOTT: If only he were a woman.  
  
JEAN: Yeah.  
  
They give each other a dubious look.  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
Everyone except KITTY and EVAN are watching Lambchop.  
  
KURT: Ooh, Lambchop. How old is zat sock? If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too.  
  
SCOTT: Okay. I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch.  
  
He does so. KITTY enters.  
  
KITTY: Hey. Like, where's Evan?  
  
KURT: Evan ate my last stick of gum, so I killed him. Do you think that was wrong?  
  
JEAN: I think he's across the hall.  
  
KITTY: Thanks.  
  
She goes to fetch him. SCOTT finishes changing KURT'S nicotine patch.  
  
SCOTT: There y'go.  
  
KURT: (Deadpan) Ooh, I'm alive vith pleasure now.  
  
SCOTT: Hey Rogue, you gonna have the rest of that Pop-Tart?.. Rogue?  
  
ROGUE: Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart?  
  
SCOTT: Hey, I might!  
  
ROGUE: Sorry. ..Y'know, those stupid soda people gave me seven thousand dollars for the thumb.  
  
ALL: You're kidding. Oh my God.  
  
ROGUE: And on my way over here, I stepped in gum. ...What is up with the universe?!  
  
EVAN is dragged in by KITTY. He has just come out of the shower.  
  
EVAN: What's going on?  
  
KITTY: Nothing. I just like, think it's nice when we're all here together.  
  
EVAN: Even nicer when everyone gets to wear their underwear..  
  
JEAN: Uh, Evan..  
  
EVAN: Oh, God!   
  
He hurriedly closes his knees.   
  
KITTY turns off the TV and turns to the gang.  
  
KITTY: Okay..  
  
ALL: Oh! That was Lambchop!  
  
KITTY: Please, guys, we so totally have to talk.  
  
ROGUE: Wait, wait, I'm getting a deja vu...no, I'm not.  
  
KITTY: Alright, we have to talk.  
  
ROGUE: There it is!  
  
KITTY: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know. I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break up with Alan.  
  
They all gasp and clutch each other.  
  
SCOTT: Is there somebody else?  
  
KITTY: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change.  
  
JEAN: We didn't change..  
  
EVAN: So that's it? It's over? Just like that?  
  
ROGUE: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about someone, and I just- I-  
  
She starts to chew her hair.  
  
KITTY: Look, I- I could like, go on pretending-  
  
EVAN: Okay!  
  
KITTY: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It wouldn't be fair to you!  
  
SCOTT: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way they were.  
  
KITTY: I'm sorry..  
  
KURT: (Sarcastic) Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!  
  
JEAN: (Tearful) I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-  
  
KITTY: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.  
  
ALL: Oh, yeah! Right!  
  
KITTY: Are you guys gonna be like, okay?  
  
SCOTT: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.  
  
KITTY: (Dubious) I understand.  
  
INT. RESTAURANT  
  
KITTY is talking to ALAN. ALAN is tall, with long dark hair.  
  
ALAN: Wow.  
  
KITTY: I'm, I'm really sorry.  
  
ALAN: Yeah, I'm sorry too. But, I gotta tell you, I am a little relieved.  
  
KITTY: Relieved?  
  
ALAN: Yeah, well, I had a great time with you.. I just can't stand your friends.  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
The gang are moping around, eating ice cream.  
  
JEAN: Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats?.. That was fun.  
  
SCOTT: Yeah. He could row like a viking.  
  
KITTY enters.  
  
KITTY: Hi.  
  
ALL: Mmm.  
  
SCOTT: So how'd it go?  
  
KITTY: Oh, y'know..  
  
ROGUE: Did he mention us?  
  
KITTY: He said he's really gonna miss you guys. (Dubious look)  
  
SCOTT: You had a rough day, huh.. c'mere.  
  
She sits down and SCOTT strokes her forehead.  
  
KURT: ...That's it. I'm getting ze cigarettes.  
  
ALL: No no no!  
  
KURT: (Leaving) I don't care, I don't care! Game's over! I'm veak! I've gotta smoke! I've gotta have the smoke!  
  
ROGUE: (Shouts as he leaves) If you never smoke again I'll give you seven thousand dollars!  
  
KURT re-enters.  
  
KURT: Yeah, alright.  
  
CAST  
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow  
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo  
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis  
Rogue.................................Meghan Black  
Kurt Wagner.................................Brad Swaile  
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra  
Alan.................................Richard Ian Cox  
Irene Addler.................................Ellen Kennedy  
Yuriko.................................Janyse Jaud  
  
Yay! Another chapter up. Here's a quick preview of the next episode:  
ROGUE: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!  
SCOTT: Today's the day Amara and I first.. consummated our physical relationship. (EVAN is puzzled) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.  
ROGUE: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.  
JEAN: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Duncan lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.  
  
Author's Note:  
Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, they are what keep me going. So keep reviewing! 


	4. The One With George Stephanopoulos

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men or Friends and all characters and situations do not belong to me. Enjoy!  
  


**The One With George Stephanopoulos**

  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Everyone is there except Evan.  
  
KITTY: Alright. Rogue?  
  
ROGUE: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!  
  
SCOTT: Yeah, see.. you took mine. Kurt, what about you?  
  
KURT: Uh, if I vere omnipotent for a day, I'd.. make myself omnipotent forever.  
  
JEAN: See, there's always one guy. (Mocking) "If I had a wish, I'd wish for three more wishes."  
  
EVAN enters.  
  
ALL: Hey Evan. Hi. Hey, buddy.  
  
KITTY: Hey, Evan, what would you do if you were like, omnipotent?  
  
EVAN: Probably kill myself!  
  
KITTY: ..Excuse me?  
  
EVAN: Hey, if Little Evan's dead, then I got no reason to live!  
  
SCOTT: Evan, uh- OMnipotent.  
  
EVAN: You are? Scott, I'm sorry..  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFFEE  
  
Everyone has left, except for SCOTT and KITTY who are watching ROGUE sleep.  
  
KITTY: How does she do that?  
  
SCOTT: I cannot sleep in a public place.  
  
KITTY: Would you look at her? She is like, so peaceful.  
  
ROGUE wakes up and startles them.  
  
ROGUE: Oh! What what what! ...Hi.  
  
SCOTT: It's okay, y'know, you just nodded off again.  
  
KITTY: Like, what's going on with you?  
  
ROGUE: I got no sleep last night!  
  
SCOTT: Why?  
  
ROGUE: My grandmother has this new boyfriend, and they're both kind of insecure in bed. Oh, and deaf. So they're constantly, like, having to reassure each other that they're having a good time. You have no idea how loud they are!  
  
KITTY: Well, if you want, you can like, stay with Jean and me tonight.  
  
ROGUE: Thanks.  
  
KURT and EVAN enter. EVAN is counting his steps.  
  
EVAN: ...Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.  
  
KURT: You got vaaaay too much free time.  
  
EVAN: (To SCOTT) Hey! Here's the birthday boy! Scott, check it out: hockey tickets, Rangers-Penguins, tonight at the Garden, and we're taking you.  
  
KURT: Happy birthday, pal!  
  
EVAN: We love you, man.  
  
He kisses him.  
  
SCOTT: Funny, my birthday was seven months ago.  
  
EVAN: So?  
  
SCOTT: So, I'm guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn't decide which one of you got to bring a date?  
  
KURT: Vell, aren't we Mr. "Ze glass is half empty".  
  
SCOTT: Oh my God, oh- is today the twentieth, October twentieth?  
  
KITTY: Oh, I was hoping you wouldn't like, remember.  
  
SCOTT: Ohhh.  
  
EVAN: What's wrong with the twentieth?  
  
KURT: Eleven days before Hallowe'en.. all the good costumes are gone?  
  
SCOTT: Today's the day Amara and I first.. consummated our physical relationship.   
  
EVAN is puzzled.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) Sex. ..You know what, I-I'd better pass on the game. I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.  
  
EVAN: The hell with hockey, let's all do that!  
  
KURT: (Trying to stop SCOTT leaving) C'mon, Scott! You, me, Evan, ice, guys' night out, c'mon, vhaddya say, big guy,  
  
He pretends to punch him in the stomach.  
  
KURT: (Cont'd) Huh? huh? huh?  
  
SCOTT: What are you doing?  
  
KURT: (Stops) I have no idea.  
  
EVAN: C'mon, Scott!  
  
SCOTT: Alright, alright, maybe it'll take my mind off it. Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger?  
  
KURT: You got it.  
  
JEAN runs up clutching an envelope.  
  
JEAN: Look look look look look, my first pay check! Look at the window, there's my name! Hi, me!   
  
ROGUE: I remember the day I got my first pay check. There was a cave-in in one of the mines, and eight people were killed.  
  
KITTY: Wow, you worked in a mine?  
  
ROGUE: I worked in a Dairy Queen, why?  
  
JEAN: God, isn't this exciting? I earned this. I wiped tables for it, I steamed milk for it, and it was totally-   
  
She opens the envelope.  
  
JEAN: -not worth it. Who's FICA? Why's he getting all my money? I mean, what- Kurt, look at that.  
  
KURT: (Looking) Oh, zis is not zat bad.  
  
EVAN: Oh, you're fine, yeah, for a first job.  
  
SCOTT: You can totally, totally live on this.  
  
KITTY: Yeah, yeah.  
  
SCOTT: Oh, by the way, great service tonight.  
  
ALL: Oh! Yeah!   
  
They all get their wallets out and give generous tips to her.  
  
BOYS: Hockey!   
  
They are about to leave, but are blocked by ANNA, ELISABETH and JULIA. There's a pause as the BOYS stare at them.  
  
BOYS: Hockey! Hockey.  
  
The BOYS exit.  
  
ANNA: (Looking round) Jean?  
  
JEAN: Oh my God!  
  
JEAN, ANNA, JULIA and ELISABETH all scream and hug each other. ANNA is tall with brown hair and blue eyes, ELISABETH is shorter, with blonde hair and green eyes, JULIA is the shortest, with black hair and grey eyes.  
  
KITTY: (To ROGUE) I swear I've like, seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom.  
  
JEAN: What are you guys doing here?  
  
JULIA: Well, we were in the city shopping, and your mom said you work here, aaand it's true!  
  
ELISABETH: Look at you in the apron. You look like you're in a play.  
  
JEAN: (To (Pregnant) ANNA) Look at you, you are so big I can't believe it!  
  
ANNA: I know. I know! I'm a duplex.  
  
JEAN: (To ELISABETH) So what's going on with you?  
  
ELISABETH: Well, guess who my dad's making partner in his firm?   
  
She points to herself and they all scream.  
  
JULIA: And while we're on the subject of news..   
  
She holds up her finger to show a ring and they all scream again.  
  
ROGUE: (To KITTY) Look, look, I have elbows!   
  
They both scream.  
  
EXT. STREET  
  
KURT and EVAN are kicking a can about, whilst SCOTT walks with them, depressed.  
  
KURT: ...Poulet passes it up to Leech!   
  
He passes it to EVAN.  
  
EVAN: Leech spots Messier in the crease- there's the pass!   
  
He kicks it to SCOTT, but SCOTT is staring into a shop window.  
  
KURT: Ve'll take a brief time out vhile Messier stops to look at some vomen's shoes.  
  
SCOTT: Amara was wearing boots just like those the night that we- we first- y'know. Fact, she, uh- she never took'em off, 'cause we-we- (Off KURT'S look) Sorry. Sorry.  
  
They walk on. KURT and EVAN start to talk, but SCOTT stops and whines.  
  
EVAN: What?  
  
SCOTT: Peach pit.  
  
KURT: Yes, Bunny?  
  
SCOTT: (Points) Peach pit. That night we, uh- we had-  
  
EVAN: -Peaches?  
  
SCOTT: Actually, nectarines, but basically..  
  
KURT: (To EVAN) Could've been a peach.  
  
SCOTT: Then, uh, then we got dressed, and I-I... I walked her to the-   
  
He looks up, realises and points.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) -the bus stop... I'm fine.  
  
EVAN: Hey, that woman's got an ass like Amara's!   
  
They turn to stare at him.  
  
EVAN: (Cont'd) What? Thought we were trying to find stuff.  
  
INT. DUNCAN'S COFEE  
  
JEAN, ANNA, JULIA and ELISABETH are talking.  
  
JEAN: So c'mon, you guys, tell me all the dirt!  
  
JULIA: Well, the biggest news is still you dumping Bobby at the altar!  
  
ELISABETH: Alright. Let's talk reality for a second.  
  
JEAN: Okay.  
  
ELISABETH: When are you coming home?  
  
JEAN: What? Guys, I'm not.   
  
ELISABETH: C'mon, this is us.  
  
JEAN: I'm not! This is what I'm doing now. I've got this job-  
  
JULIA: Waitressing?  
  
JEAN: Okay, I'm not just waitressing. I'm.. I, um... I write the specials on the specials board, and, uh... and I, uh... I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase... Oh, and, um, sometimes Duncan lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies.  
  
ANNA: Well. Your mom didn't tell us about the blobbies.  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
ROGUE and KITTY are in pyjamas. KITTY is making something in the blender, while ROGUE sits at the table. JEAN enters.   
  
KITTY: Hey, Jean. How was it with your friends?   
  
She and ROGUE scream.  
  
KITTY: (Cont'd) Okay! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch?   
  
She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses on the table.  
  
JEAN: What's that?  
  
KITTY: Weeeell, it's like, rum, and-  
  
JEAN: Okay.   
  
She grabs the blender and starts to drink.  
  
KITTY: We thought since Rogue was staying over tonight we'd have like, a slumber party thing. We like, got some trashy magazines, we got cookie dough, we got Twister..   
  
The phone rings and KITTY goes to answer it.  
  
ROGUE: Ooh! Ooh! And I brought Operation! But, um, I lost the tweezers, so we can't operate. But we can prep the guy!  
  
KITTY: Uh, Jean, it's the Visa card people.  
  
JEAN: Oh, God, ask them what they want.  
  
KITTY: (Phone) Could you please tell me like, what this is in reference to? ...Yes, hold on. (To JEAN) Um, they say there's been like, some unusual activity on your account.  
  
JEAN: But I haven't used my card in weeks!  
  
KITTY: That is the unusual activity. Look, they just wanna see if you're like, okay.  
  
JEAN: They wanna know if I'm okay. Okay.. they wanna know if I'm okay, okay, let's see. Well, let's see, the FICA guys took all my money, everyone I know is either getting married, or getting promoted, or getting pregnant, and I'm getting coffee! And it's not even for me! So if that sounds like I'm okay, okay, then you can tell them I'm okay, okay?  
  
KITTY: (Pauses, then to phone) Uh- Jean has like, left the building, can you call back?  
  
JEAN: Alright, c'mon! (Miserably) Let's play Twister!  
  
INT. NEW YORK ICE RINK  
  
The GUYS are trying to find their seats.   
  
SCOTT: (Squeezing past people) Sorry, sorry... Uh-oh.  
  
KURT: Vhat? There was ice there that night with Amara? Plastic seats? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans?  
  
SCOTT: No, actually I was just saying it looks like we're not sitting together. But now you mention it, there was ice there that night... It was the first frost...  
  
EVAN: C'mon, sit. Just sit down, sit.  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
KITTY and ROGUE are trying to console Jean.  
  
KITTY: You should feel great about yourself! You're like, doing this amazing independence thing!  
  
JEAN: Kitty, what is so amazing? I gave up, like, everything. And for what?  
  
ROGUE: You are just like Jack.  
  
JEAN: ...Jack from downstairs?  
  
ROGUE: No, Jack and the Beanstalk.  
  
KITTY: Ah, the other Jack.  
  
ROGUE: Yeah, right! See, he gave up something, but then he got those magic beans. And then he woke up, and there was this, this big plant outside his window, full of possibilities and stuff.. And he lived in a village, and you live in the Village..  
  
JEAN: Okay, but Rogue, Rogue, Jack gave up a cow, I gave up an orthodontist. Okay, I-I-I know, I know I didn't love him-  
  
ROGUE: Oh, see, Jack did love the cow.  
  
JEAN: But see, it was a plan. Y'know, it was clear. It was figured out, and now everything's just kinda like-  
  
ROGUE: Floopy?  
  
JEAN: Yeah.   
  
KITTY: So what, you're not the only one. I mean like, half the time we don't know where we're going. You've just like, gotta figure at some point it's all gonna come together, and it's just gonna be... un-floopy.  
  
ROGUE: Oh, like that's a word.  
  
JEAN: Okay, but Kitty, what if- what if it doesn't come together?   
  
KITTY: ...Rogue?  
  
ROGUE: Oh, well... 'cause.... you just... I don't like this question.  
  
JEAN: Okay, see, see, you guys, what if we don't get magic beans? I mean, what if all we've got are.. beans?  
  
INT. NEW YORK ICE RINK  
  
SCOTT, KURT and EVAN are really into the game.  
  
SCOTT: Get him! GET HIM! Get him! Get- YESSS! Not laughing now, are ya pal!  
  
KURT: (To SCOTT) See buddy, zat's all you need, a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other vith sticks.  
  
SCOTT: Pass it! Pass it!  
  
KURT: He's open!   
  
ALL: Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!   
  
The PLAYER shoots. The puck flies off the rink and hits SCOTT in the face. KURT looks concerned, until he notices...  
  
KURT: Hey, look, ve're on zat TV thing!  
  
KURT and EVAN hold up the puck and wave at the big screen.  
  
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM  
  
KURT and EVAN lead SCOTT in.  
  
KURT: (To RECEPTIONIST) 'Scuse me.  
  
RECEPTIONIST: (Holds up her hand - she is on the phone) It says to call this number if you're not completely satisfied with this candy bar. Well, I'm not completely satisfied.  
  
KURT: Listen, it's kind of an emergency. Vell, I guess you know that, or ve'd be in ze predicament room.  
  
The RECEPTIONIST gives him a look to freeze hell.  
  
RECEPTIONIST: (To PHONE) Hold on. (To KURT) Fill these out, sit over there.   
  
She tosses him some forms.   
  
SCOTT jumps to his feet.  
  
SCOTT: Look, I don't wanna make any trouble, okay, but I'm in a lot of pain here, alright? My face is dented.  
  
RECEPTIONIST: Well, you'll have to wait your turn.  
  
EVAN: Well, how long do you think it'll be?  
  
RECEPTIONIST: (Sarcastic) Any minute now.  
  
SCOTT: Hey, this- (She gives him a look and the GUYS back off) Heyy...  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APPARTMENT  
  
The GIRLS are all talking.  
  
JEAN: I'm so sorry, you guys. I didn't mean to bring you down.  
  
KITTY: No, you were right. I don't like, have a plan.  
  
There's a knock at the door.  
  
PIZZA GUY (Outside): Pizza guy.  
  
JEAN: Thank God. Food.   
  
She goes to get it.  
  
KITTY: Rogue?  
  
ROGUE: What?  
  
KITTY: Do you have a plan?  
  
ROGUE: I don't even have a 'pl'.  
  
PIZZA GUY: Hi, one, uh, mushroom, green pepper and onion?  
  
JEAN: (Miserable) No, no, that's not what we ordered... We ordered a fat-free crust with extra cheese.  
  
PIZZA GUY: Wait, you're not 'G. Stephanopoulos'? Man, my dad's gonna kill me!  
  
KITTY leaps the couch and runs up to him.   
  
KITTY: Wait! Did you say 'G. Stephanopoulos'?  
  
PIZZA GUY: Yeah. This one goes across the street, I must have given him yours. Oh, bonehead, bonehead!  
  
KITTY: Wait, was this a-a small oriental guy with curiously intelligent good looks?  
  
PIZZA GUY: Yeah, that sounds about right.  
  
KITTY: Was he like, wearing a stunning blue suit?  
  
ROGUE: And-and a power tie?  
  
PIZZA GUY: No, pretty much just a towel.  
  
KITTY: (Staggered) Oh God.  
  
PIZZA GUY: So you guys want me to take this back?  
  
KITTY: Are you nuts?! We've got George Stephanopoulos' pizza!  
  
JEAN pays him. KITTY grabs some binoculars and runs to the window.  
  
JEAN: Uh, Rogue? Who's George Snuffalopagus?  
  
ROGUE: Big Bird's friend.  
  
KITTY: I like, see pizza!  
  
ROGUE: Oh, I wanna see! Lemme see! Lemme see!   
  
She runs up and takes the binoculars.   
  
JEAN: Hello? Who are we spying on?  
  
KITTY: President's adviser? Clinton's campaign guy? The one with the great hair, sexy smile, really cute butt?  
  
JEAN: Oh, him, the little guy? Oh, I love him!  
  
ROGUE: Ooh, wait.. wait, I see a woman.  
  
KITTY: Please tell me it's his mother.  
  
ROGUE: Definitely not his mother.  
  
KITTY: Oh, no...  
  
ROGUE: Oh, wait, she's walking across the floor.. she's walking..she's walking.. she's going for the pizza- (Yells) Hey, that's not for you, bitch!  
  
ROGUE covers her mouth with her hand and walks away from the window.  
  
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM   
  
EVAN is miming hockey pucks hitting foreheads. KURT realises it's getting tense and goes to the receptionist again.  
  
KURT: Excuse me, look, ve've been here for over an hour, and a lot of people less sick zan my friend have gone in. I mean, zat guy vith the toe thing? Who's he sleeping vith?  
  
She slides the glass panel over. KURT talks through it in a loud voice.  
  
KURT: Oh, c'mon Tina, don't be mad... I know we both said some things we didn't mean, but that doesn't mean we still don't love each other. (To the E.R.) Y'know, I feel like I've lost her..  
  
She slides the panel back. He turns and it takes him by surprise.  
  
KURT: (Cont'd) Ba-!  
  
EXT. BALCONY OUTSIDE JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT  
  
The GIRLS are still watching George Stephanopoulos' apartment.  
  
KITTY: Light still out?  
  
JEAN: Yeah.  
  
KITTY: Oh. Maybe they're like, napping.  
  
JEAN: Oh please, they're having sex.  
  
KITTY and ROGUE: Shut up!  
  
JEAN: So, whaddya think George is like?  
  
KITTY: I think he's shy.  
  
ROGUE: Yeah?  
  
KITTY: Yeah. I think you have to draw him out. And then- when you do- he's a preppy animal.  
  
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM  
  
SCOTT: I remember the moonlight coming through the window- and her face had the most incredible glow.  
  
KURT: Yes, ze moon, ze glow, ze magical feeElisabeth, you did zis part- Could I get some painkillers over here, please?  
  
EVAN: He's right, enough, already. What is the big deal about today? So you slept with her for the first time, so what? You slept with her for seven years after that.  
  
SCOTT: Look, it's just a little more complicated...  
  
KURT: Vell, vhat? Vhat? Vhat is it? Zat she left you? Zat she likes vomen? Zat she left you for another voman that likes vomen?  
  
SCOTT: Little louder, okay, I think there's a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn't quite hear you...  
  
KURT: Zen vhat?  
  
SCOTT: My first time with Amara was.. (Mumbles)  
  
EVAN: What?  
  
SCOTT: It was my first time.  
  
EVAN: With Amara?  
  
SCOTT gives him a look.  
  
EVAN: Oh.  
  
KURT: So in your whole life, you've only been vith one-   
  
He gets a look too.  
  
KURT: (Cont'd) -oh.  
  
EVAN: Whoah, boy, hockey was a big mistake! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could've done tonight!   
  
EXT. BALCONY OUTSIDE JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT  
  
KITTY: Okay. Okay, I got one. Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much?  
  
ROGUE: Uh-huh.  
  
KITTY: Well, unless goose is like, a vegetable...ha haaaah!  
  
ROGUE: Oh! Oh! Oh! Okay, fine, fine. Now I don't feel so bad about sleeping with Sam.  
  
KITTY: What?! You like, slept with Sam?   
  
ROGUE: You'd already broken up.  
  
JEAN: How long?  
  
ROGUE: A couple hours.  
  
KITTY: Oh, that's nice!  
  
JEAN: Okay, okay, okay, I got one!   
  
She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off the balcony.  
  
JEAN: Anyway- The valentine Kevin Davis left in your locker was really from me.  
  
KITTY: Excuse me?!  
  
JEAN: Hello? Like he was really gonna send you one? (To ROGUE) She was a big girl.  
  
KITTY: Really. Well, at least 'big girls' don't like, pee in their pants in seventh grade!  
  
JEAN: I was laughing! You made me laugh!   
  
KITTY and JEAN start to squabble.  
  
ROGUE: There he is! There he is!  
  
KITTY: Where?  
  
ROGUE: Right- where we've been looking all night!  
  
JEAN: He is so cute!  
  
KITTY: Oh, George, baby, drop the towel!  
  
ALL: Yeah, drop it! Drop the towel! Please drop the- (Pause) -wowww.  
  
INT. NEW YORK HOSPITAL-EMERGENCY ROOM  
  
SCOTT is absent, and EVAN and KURT are chatting.  
  
EVAN: Man. Can you believe he's only had sex with one woman?  
  
KURT: I zink it's great. Y'know, it's sweet, it's romantic..  
  
EVAN: Really?  
  
KURT: No, you kidding? Ze guy's a freak..   
  
SCOTT enters.  
  
BOTH: Hey, buddy.  
  
SCOTT: Hi.   
  
He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose. He tosses some forms onto the reception desk.  
  
RECEPTIONIST: (Sarcastic) Oh, that's attractive.  
  
KURT: Oh, I thought you vere great in Silence of the Lambs. Oh come on, admit it! All things considered, you had fun tonight.  
  
SCOTT: Fun? Where was the fun? Tell me specifically, which part was the fun part? Where's my puck?  
  
EVAN: Oh, ah- the kid has it.  
  
SCOTT: The kid..? (To KID) Excuse me, uh, that's, that's my puck.  
  
KID: I found it. Finders keepers, losers weepers.  
  
SCOTT looks at KURT for help.  
  
KURT: You gotta do it, man.  
  
SCOTT: (To KID) Oh yeah? Well, I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever- (To KURT) -can't do it. (To KID) Listen, uh- gimme back my puck.  
  
KID: No.   
  
SCOTT: 'Yes', how about. C'mere. Gimme!  
  
KID: No! No!  
  
They fight over it.  
  
RECEPTIONIST: Hey! Hey! No rough holding in my ER!  
  
SCOTT: (Tries to snatch it-) GIVE ME MY PUCK!! (-Bit it flies out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist.   
  
SCOTT: ...Now that was fun.  
  
INT. JEAN AND KITTY'S APARTMENT  
  
EVAN and the GIRLS are playing Twister, whilst SCOTT is doing the spinning.   
  
SCOTT: Okay, Kitty: Right foot red.  
  
KITTY: Could've like, played Monopoly, but nooooo.  
  
There's a knock at the door. KURT opens it and some guy silently hands back the cushion.  
  
KURT: Danke schön.  
  
The guy nods and leaves.  
  
SCOTT: Okay, Rogue: Right hand blue.   
  
ROGUE has to bend over.  
  
SCOTT: (Cont'd) Good.   
  
EVAN stares at her butt appreciatively. The phone rings and KURT answers it.  
  
KURT: Hello? Oh, uh, Jean, it's ze Visa card people.  
  
JEAN: Oh, okay. Will you take my place?  
  
KURT: Alright. (To PHONE) Yes, zis is Jean.  
  
JEAN: Nooo!   
  
She takes the phone and KURT takes her place in the game of Twister.  
  
JEAN: Hello? Oh, yeah, no, I know, I-I haven't been using it much. Oh, well, thanks, but, I'm okay, really. I've got magic beans. Never-never mind. Alright. Okay. Yeah, bye.  
  
JEAN puts the phone down and rejoins the game of twister.  
  
SCOTT: Green. To the green.  
  
KURT: To ze left, to ze left- aww!   
  
They all collapse on JEAN.  
  
JEAN: Ohhh... I'm fine.  
  
CAST  
Scott Summers.................................Kirby Morrow  
Jean Grey.................................Venus Terzo  
Evan Daniels.................................Neil Denis  
Rogue.................................Meghan Black  
Kurt Wagner/Pizza Guy.................................Brad Swaile  
Kitty Pryde.................................Maggie Blue O'Harra  
Receptionist.................................Collen Wheeler  
Boy.................................Bill Switzer  
Elisabeth.................................Kelly Sheridan  
Anna.................................Saffron Henderson  
Julia.................................Kristen Williamson  
  
Another chapter done! Yes! And for all those kind reviewers, here's a preview of next episode:  
SCOTT: Not that big a deal? It's amazing. Ok, you just reach in there, there's one little manoeuvre, and bam, a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?  
KURT: No, I know, but it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting zere vith her, she has no idea vhat's happening, and zen you finally get up ze courage to do it, and zere's ze horrible awkward moment vhen you've handed her ze note.  
JEAN: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.  
EMMA: That's because I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.  
JEAN: Oh, big glamour night. Me and Kitty at laundorama.  
  
All that and more next time on X Friends!  
  



End file.
